i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
