...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
