It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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