She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize