pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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