Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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