He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
