Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
