Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
