Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
