pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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