You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
