Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
