2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
