HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize