It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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