So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
