he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
