thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
