I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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