I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
