I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
