I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
