Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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