my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
