Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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