Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize