awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
