And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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