fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
