Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
