He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
