i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
