did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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