can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
