Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
