Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
