my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
