they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
