true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
