You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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