i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
