A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
