her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
