Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
