if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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