tell your sister to shave her snatch
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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