You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize