Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
