i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
