Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
