i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
