It's like a parade of train wrecks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
