Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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