she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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