i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
