so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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