Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
