I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A+ Viking dick
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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