very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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