My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
