you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
