if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
