Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
