i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
