She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
