I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
