just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
