I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
