So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
