Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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