So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
