Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
