yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
