I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize