She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
