I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
