I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
