Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
