okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
