life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
