broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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