im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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