He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize