Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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