I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
