I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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