the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just cropdusted the office
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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