Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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