Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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