yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
