for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
