You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
