I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
