Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
