Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
