its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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