Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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