Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dick very happy bro
I would fuck him just for his dog
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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