I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
