Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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