We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize