Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
