She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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