New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize